P.I.M.P. 02/09/06

Tonight is one of those times when I wish I was in the US, and not only because it's like -3 degrees celsius here, but because the Grammy's are on. Though a lot of those shows are crap, the array of talent assembled at shows like that (the Grammy's, Oscars, Emmy's, etc.) demonstrates how much the creative world starts and ends in the States.

When I turn on the radio in the morning and am subjected to the newest French rap star followed by a love ballad and then some techno song, I truly understand the value of NPR, Power 106, Howard, etc. Did you know, for example, that Ace of Base has come out with new remakes of some of their biggest hits? Well they HAVE, at least here in Brussels.

Apparently the best place to hear good hip hop is in stores, particularly grocery stores, where I've twice been caught in an embarassing situation, once when 50 Cent's "P.I.M.P." came on, and another time it was Ice Cube's "You Can Do It". It wouldn't really be a big deal, but they play the real lyrics here, i.e. they don't edit them. The first time I was standing next to some old lady, reaching for yogurt or cheese or something, humming along under my breath, until it gets to the part "...I ain't that nigga trying to holla cause I want some head I'm that nigga tryin' to holla cause I want some bread I could care less how she perform when she in the bed Bitch hit the track, catch a date, and come pay the kid. Look baby, this is simple you can't seeYou fuckin' with me you fuckin' with a P-I-M-P"... and I'm kind of frozen, trying to see if anyone's reacting, hoping these people don't understand English, but everyone just kind of ignores the awkwardness of it, and I can't get out of that aisle fast enough.

The next time it was even worse, in case you don't know or have forgotten how "You Can Do It" goes, here are the words that seemed to be blasting while I'm waiting to use the bread slicer machine, which normally seems really loud, but wasn't loud enough. "...Everybody will know it Cause I ain’t going for it So pray to the Lord that I don’t pull out Cuss out and bust out Go to nigga raveling Make the clip traveling, uh You can try to smoke an ounce to this While I pronounce this shit Baby bounce them tits Mama move them hips Baby shake them cheeks I got dick for days You got ass for weeks..." Again, couldn't get out of there fast enough. I realized though later that the only one feeling awkward was me, because it's normal for them... and so now I sing along out loud, and when appropriate, throw in a dance move or two.

Speaking of music, I've been listening to a lot of nursery rhymes and children's songs recently, and two have struck me as a bit harsh for different reasons.

1. There's a Hole in My Bucket, you know this song, probably been a while, goes Dear Liza, there's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, etc. etc.... ( http://www.theteachersguide.com/Songs/theresahole.htm) Well, have you ever really listened to that song? Again, luckily for you, I have, and I've come to two conclusions. 1. Clearly this song was written by a man-hating woman, probably a pissed off wife or divorcee, because 2. Henry is a friggin dumbass. Guy doesn't know how to fill up a hole in a bucket, doesn't know how to cut a straw, sharpen an axe, then the stone is too dry, and he doesn't know how to wet it??? I mean c'mon. Does Henry really have to be made to be so damn stupid?

Though I have to say, sometimes when it comes to the kids, I've been guilty of my own "Henry" moments. Once Ethan had a diaper rash, and Sara told me to put corn starch on the rash, and I wasn't exactly listening I guess and so I used baking soda... they were both in round metal cans, I don't know... Ethan, I'm sorry, please don't use that against me as your "Rage" and write a "memoir" about your life.

2. The Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly ( http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/oldlady.htm ) "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.I dunno why she swallowed that fly,Perhaps she'll die.There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,That wriggled and jiggled and wiggled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly. But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -Perhaps she'll die." She goes on to swallow a bird, dog, goat, cow, and ends "There was an old lady who swallowed a horse - She's dead, of course." Jesus. This is a kid's song? I think I'd rather the kids listen to P.I.M.P.

I would like to end with those Prophet Mohammed cartoons, but I don't want to incite any more riots. Ha. What a ridiculous world we live in right now. Speaking of which, heard John Lennon's "Imagine" this morning in a brief respite from Ace of Base. What an amazing song, even if none of it will ever come true, at least not on a global scale. Maybe the goal is to make it come true on an individual basis or family basis. OK, I'm getting philosophical... that's one of the big hints to stop typing immediately. G'night. I luvvv you maaannn.